Advice from an Institutional Investor

INSTITUTIONAL  INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a  nuthouse.

In these days of doom and gloom (in the UK anyway; it does’nt seem so bad in Asia) some lighthearted new terms to keep us going.

CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR  MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no s*x.

VALUE  INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling  lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between  themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO — What  you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per  share.

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.